In this day of wifi buying, I am going to shop a little differently. My shopping spree is going to be with a travel agent. Yes, I do travel, and I also usually do all of the booking, flights, hotels, tours, etc. myself. But this is a “spree”, in which I hear “somebody else’s money, not mine” so off we go.
First up, I want to do the trips that are usually out of my budget. I could do them, but not the way I would want to. First class airfare, five star hotels and limo driven tours.
Japan, South Pacific, Australia, New Zealand, Russia, South Africa and finally, the Holy Land.
I can do UK, Italy, France and Germany on my own, thanks so much. But that spree could be done in about 18 months, spending 30 days in each place.
There are many gifts in life. Some great, some average and some that make you wonder, is this really a gift at all? Some gifts do not show their potential right away. They arrive, sometimes uninvited, to sit with us and we may not even recognize them as the treasure they are – sometimes for a long while.
For this first thoughts on life’s gifts I will say that gratitude is probably the best gift one can be given. It shines the light on all other gifts you will ever receive in life. It will also fill you with appreciation for what you receive, and lighten disappointment when gifts are not as expected.
A friend long ago, sent me the sentiment that “today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present”. I thought it was one of the most beautiful sentiments I ever heard. Truly a gift.
If you think about it, it’s rarely the question that is annoying. It is the manner in which the question is asked. I have somehow developed, without actually trying, the ability to read micro expressions. It has its benefits, but it also comes with drawbacks. I love when I can join a conversation that it sincere. Eyes connect, interest is evident. Conversely, there are those that feign interest with empty words that are accompanied by darting eyes, pursed lips, etc. You know on the spot, that not only does this person care about the question they just asked, they are not even listening to your answer.
In the past, I have answered deeply personal questions, with deeply personal answers because the read I received from that person was one of general concern and interest. It has happened with people I know very well, and it has happened with complete strangers (though in the latter case, it doesn’t happen often, and even I am surprised until I recognize that I have just had an interaction with a truly empathetic soul).
In contrast, if you ever hear me respond to a question with, “I’ll have to really give that some thought. I’ll get back to you.” That’s me saying “I know you don’t care, so I am not going to give you one more minute of attention. Go to wherever your darting eyes have deeper interest”.
She thought she could decide and control what her life would be like. It took her more than fifty years to realize that she had zero influence and/or control over the most important decisions that she faced. More importantly, on those occasions that she relinquished her control, things seemed to work out better.
If you, my reader, can take any advice from one person’s tale, then this opening paragraph is for you. Open yourself up to the possibilities that you have not even thought about, because there are way better things in store for you if you can commit to that!
I was at the top of my game in banking at the ripe old age of 30. Just after receiving a big promotion, I found out that I was pregnant, and a month later that I would be having twins! While they were somewhat of a surprise, we were happy. I typically wore suits to work (this was the 80’s and business casual was not yet a thing). The problem was that there were very few options for executive women’s wardrobes.
Maternity clothing by nature is a temporary wardrobe, and offerings were cheap, poorly designed and akin to baggy pajamas. It was really hard to look the part of an upcoming executive wearing floppy pants, with shirts that had those poofy short sleeves and bright colors. There was a shop called “Motherhood” that offered a better selection for the working woman but the pricing was outrageous and out of the question on my budget.
On my way back from that store on my lunch break I saw a fabric store and decided to have a look. The had beautiful worsted wool blends and rich fabrics in nice “boardroom” colors: navy, grey pinstripe, etc. They also had Vogue patterns for maternity suits! I purchased the navy worsted wool, with enough fabric for one of the suit patterns and decided to give it a try.
Mind you, the last time I had sewn anything was in junior high school (they didn’t call it middle school yet). But I did rather well, and even enjoyed the classes back then, so I decided to give it my best shot.
The suit turned out amazing and I had even made a couple of mistakes along the way, but yet was still able to finish it into a wearable suit that was way better than anything I could afford at that time.
I returned to the store, and purchased enough to make four more suits and rotated them for the balance of my pregnancy. Total cost was less than one suit at “Motherhood”.
I continued sewing for awhile after our twins came along and as I sit here writing, I think I just might take it up again.
Since I was young, I have wanted to write a book. I started one in my thirties, and stopped after 40 pages. If I recall it wasn’t very good.
I have no illusions that I am capable of writing a best seller. But I am determined to write an entire book, and then to self publish. The self publish part is my 70th birthday gift to myself. (I will celebrate later this year. I have about 100 pages so far, and it is becoming more difficult as the story progresses.
Oddly enough, as I listened to an online homily this morning, the priest (Fr. Mike Schmitz) offered some statistics. The percentage of people who want to write a book? 80%!!! Of those, how many will actually begin writing a book (not finish, but just begin) – less than 15%!!! And finally, the percentage who will actually complete writing a book? 1%. Only 1%?
I have just been incentivized to finally finish my book.
I want to be a part of a 1% club!
I will also continue to practice my writing each day on this site. It is, after all, where I started my book!
I bite my tongue to stop from saying “well done, you should definitely look into being a meteorologist – you’re a natural!”
“Well now, isn’t he the little handful” to a stressed mom dealing with a toddler in full meltdown.
“Why yes, captain obvious, your methods of observation are second to none”
Or maybe you’re enjoying an ice cream during a mid day stroll, and someone says
“Well that looks tasty!”
“Um, no, they only had vegetable flavors today, this is lima bean” (heavy eye roll for effect)
To that I say, we need to practice leaning into silence – please.
Silence is great! Ask any frequent flyer. First rule of finding your seat is to not make eye contact with the person sitting next to you. If they ask a question, open your book first, take your time, look at them and with a half smile, nod, and quickly put your nose back into your book. (and yes, you either have a book, iPad or notebook if you are a frequent flyer – guaranteed.)
Before you consider me antisocial, please consider that I, personally, do not believe that I am. I believe in good, solid conversations versus banal, cliche’d offerings. I love to engage with someone who shares similar interests, or current events (political conversations excluded as they are impossible to navigate these days).
I even gave up my “no talk” flight rule once or twice. And while it’s a pretty risky thing to attempt, I have done it once or twice after carefully sizing up my seat mate.
On one such occasion, (it was more than ten years ago) it was a pretty short flight (just under two hours) and my seat mate on this day was reading a worn copy of “David Copperfield” and I simply said – “how many times” and he quickly responded “more than twenty” and we chatted for about 30 minutes about the brilliance of Dickens, our favorite stories, best lines remembered and recited, etc. and when we exhausted that chat, we each burrowed back into our books, and when our flight ended we politely said good bye before deplaning.
I think the average person deplores the common weather-greeting, or obvious observations. They are just really lazy attempts at friendliness and should be called out for what it is – “small-brain” talk. If you would argue that it is a conversation starter, I heartily disagree – in fact, for me, it is a conversation ender. If you really want to speak to someone, put a little effort into it. A very small, but deep conversation will always win out and leave a lasting impression. And truly, if you do decide to go the “weather” route, I won’t be unkind, but I won’t engage either, I will more than likely just smile and nod.
If I could be anyone else for a day, I would choose to be my enemy, My nemesis, or anyone who does not like me. What an opportunity for improvement!
I realize that there may be a few people will have no real or fixable reason to dislike me, or maybe they dislike me for reasons I cannot control. Examples might be, I don’t like her husband, her kids, her dog, etc. None of that is going to change obviously. And then there is the group who may think I do not measure up to their physical attributes area. I am older, and choose not to do any work to make me look younger. There are a lot of women my age who look incredible in comparison to me. I use a daily and nightly moisturizer, but beyond that, I like my aging face. I love my wrinkles, my white hair (I use purple shampoo to enhance the whiteness – so maybe that counts), and I am overweight. I struggle with autoimmune diseases that have challenged me in the weight department. I am active, and I eat cleanly, but I refuse to eat less than 1,000 calories daily, or workout beyond 30 minutes daily so that I can fit someone else’s idea of the perfect weight. The glp1’s are of no interest to me either, and I doubt if they would be good for anyone with autoimmune disorders.
Now, all of that said – I want to know how I can improve my interactions with those who might find me less than desirable. What did I say, or not say that earned me to be disdained? What can I do to change your opinion. As humans, we always have room for improvement. Sometimes people think it is just easier to ignore others than to express what it is or why they don’t like them. I think this would be an invaluable self improvement tool. We can invent an anonymous social media app, we sign up and then people can post anything that they found wanting about your or your personality. We can call it YES, Your Enemies Speak. As I indicated above, no physical attributes or bashing of family members, this would be limited to “relatability”.
And we can expand on that for couples. When couples divorce, before the final decree, it should be an option for each to complete a questionnaire to detail what went wrong.
My ex, who I divorced at age 22, is still super angry with me to the point that he will not attend any event for our daughter if I am there. I am 70 now. That’s a lot of anger. At 22, I am sure I came up short in the wife area, especially since we married at 19, bought a house at 20, and had a daughter at 21. Here’s what my write up would look like:
There is nothing wrong with you – we just were not meant to be together. I am really sorry that I disappointed you, I was looking for a roommate, not a husband, and I was too young and ignorant to know the difference. But our daughter is beautiful and she did better in the marriage department. Fifty years ago, girls just didn’t move out of their homes until they found a husband. That’s a terrible reason to marry, but to make up for that, I made sure that I helped all of my daughters, ours and the 3 others that are mine, lived on their own before they made a decision to get married.
You were young too, and we did not treat each other kindly. I hope and wish that life has been kind to you, and that you have found love. I have to be honest, I have no need to talk now that our daughter is nearly 50 years old, I do not think we had very much in common to begin with yet you are her dad, and so I would never wish anything but the best for you.
If I could take this just one step further, if it were possible, I’d like to know what my dog thinks about me, yet I have the feeling that when he gets that adorable look in his eyes, he might just be picturing me as looking like a juicy steak!
Laboccadellaverita 